Day to day, living with PTS/HNA is not really so bad. But, it can be limiting. I can do stuff, but only for a while before the muscles just fatigue and say “NO MORE TODAY.” My Phrenic nerve is still OK, so I think that makes a bit of a difference. I understand how limiting it could be if I was tied to an oxygen tank for any time of the day. Or just to feel constantly as if I had to use all my energy simply to breathe.
I have often wondered if I really had HNA, or if I was just unlucky as far as having a case of PTS that repeated for its own reasons. Over the years, I have begun to accept that even if I have no other PTS related cases reported in my family, I can still have HNA. My case is really not as severe as some I have heard about. Maybe other cases that may be in my family were just not severe enough that they were caught and diagnosed by a legitimate doctor. I have some suspected reports of weirdness in my family that suggests a possible related type of syndrome as PTS. Maybe that is enough. Then there is my own history; that if I look back far enough and with the knowledge I have of HNA now, maybe my history also suggests a diagnoses of HNA is the correct one for me after all.
First, I have always been for lack of a good descriptive word, small. My legs were OK, and I made some good use of this from an exercise standpoint by riding a bike as much as I could to get my lungs into at least fair shape. I think that has continued to put me in better shape now even though I no longer feel safe to ride. My upper body just never responded to any sort of exercise program. I could do exercises, but only a limited number before my muscles just gave out. I wondered about this at the time, but figured it was just normal for me. Twenty pushups seemed to be my limit for whatever reason. Certain other arm related exercises escaped my ability entirely. Pull-ups? Nope, not until much later and even then I was limited to only a couple. Rope climbing? Surely you jest. I could not even think how to do that with my limited arm strength.
Others in my PE classes may have started out as I did. But they grew stronger with the work. I stayed the same, or grew so slowly in strength that I was rapidly left behind. I began to just know that there were things everyone else seemed more able to do that I could never hope to accomplish physically.
It was not just this memory of having lacked muscle strength in my early years that I am remembering now. I know that I had periods of neck and shoulder pain even back as far as the 6th grade. I have memories, and others from back then have told me they were aware of the fact that I had periods I was in a lot of pain. Some of the shoulder pain was centered on my scapulas. This sort of shoulder pain repeated many times from those early years to my now documented attacks of NA. So, it appears I have had a long history of pain and weak or slow muscle growth that I now think of as being caused by HNA.
Any physical activity now is even more limiting. I worked in the yard today for an entire hour and a half. It may have been less time than that. I had a clean-up job to do. It did not involve heavy lifting, but did require a bit of kneeling down and bending over followed by standing again. The muscles worked for a while. Getting down was hard from the start. My legs shake all the way down. Standing is a bit easier. What hit me eventually was my lower back. This low back muscles start to fatigue and I know I better finish up because my time is now limited by the ability to stand at all. Luckily, the size of the cleanup was such that I could do it, and finish before my muscles just gave out. People tend to misunderstand at this point, because they can work long enough to actually get a sore back. Nope. For me it is not about pain as I live with HNA. The acute periods of an attack surely have the most severe pain I can think of. But ongoing, it is about muscle fatigue and weakness, and also about feeling good that I can even work for an hour or so doing limited work, but at least working. And no, it would not help to exercise what I do not have to exercise. That, as I have learned from experience, can cause more problems than it seems to help at the time.
