Catching up on me and where I have been recently

This all goes on and on and on. I used to hold out hope that maybe I would eventually get some relief from the weakness. I know now that this nerve fatigue caused weakness will be with me for the rest of my life. It has gone on too long to hope that strength will ever return, even in a minor approximation to what I used to have, or even what may be normal for someone of my age.

A couple of months ago, I had tenderness in the right side of my neck, which quickly seemed to spread weakness down my right arm again. This followed the now more normal feeling path down my body and into my left leg. For a few days I had to swing my left leg a bit more than normal just to approach a normal gait. I took prednisone (10 milligrams a day) for a bit more than a week. During this time I was very shaky, and finally got some relief of that by resuming magnesium supplements.

Things are a bit more stable now, but I get fatigued much more quickly than ever before. If I push that and try to work through the fatigue, it almost makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know it is a reaction to the stress my body is feeling, and there is no reason to actually physically get sick, but it feels that way none the less. The only way to make it better is to rest.

That is perhaps the worst part of this disease for me. It is that it makes you feel like you are not worth anything. I do what I can physically do, and then I have to quit. I have to quit and then hope that those around me will understand why I have to stop working.

I know that my body has not ever been what most people would have known as being close to normal strength and endurance. In that, I feel like I was cheated out of a normal life.  And that makes me feel bad too since I know that there are others who have had it much worse with their lot in life than I ever had. I have no reason to feel this way. I am still alive.  No part of this will ever kill me. I only miss feeling like I was normal in even a small way. I miss that when someone I love needs me to help them, that I am limited as far as what help I can provide. This can wear you down after so long, even knowing that it is not life threatening, and knowing that there are those people in my life that try to understand, and who do not judge me based on my inabilities.